The Lecture
After the big office party, Dan was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer. ‘I Continue Reading ...
Organic Vegetables
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” “The produce guy looke Continue Reading ...
Dog Jokes, Puppies short dog humor
AN UNUSUAL PET This guy was lonely and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box b Continue Reading ...
Need a Car
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll Continue Reading ...
Dangerous Dog
A customer in a little country drugstore noticed a sign saying: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” But instead of a well-trained watchdog, all he saw was a harmless old hound dog sleeping on the floor next to the cash register. “Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he Continue Reading ...
Parrot Can Talk
One day, a man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The parrot was his, at last! Continue Reading ...
The Bartender & Psychiatrist
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE HIDING UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND TOLD HIM : ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy..’ ‘Ju Continue Reading ...
Funniest Insurance Claims
Some of the Funniest Insurance Claims : • Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. • I collided with a stationary car going the other way. • A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. • I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. Continue Reading ...
The Soldier and the Nun
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.’ The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?’ The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’ After the MPs Continue Reading ...
Harsh landing
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in Continue Reading ...