Little Boy: Daddy, is God a boy or a girl?
Dad: He is both son.
Little Boy: Daddy, is God black or white?
Dad: God is both son. Read the rest of this entry »»
Recession Jokes
The recession might be bad, but this won’t stop us from having some laughs 
Whats the difference between a wall street trader and a pigeon? A pigeon can still lay a deposit on a BMW.
Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
Q: Why have real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”
A director decided to award a prize of $1,000 for the best idea for saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to $ 100.
A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline and volitility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely,” said the broker, “I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour.”
so there’s 3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones… but no luck. The phone’s have no signal.
After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, 1 blond says to the others ‘I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together.’
The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout ‘Together, together, together
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
“Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?”
As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks,
“Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?”
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
“I don’t think my python weally gives a thit.”
Tags : girl, shopkeeper
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
‘Not a chance,’ says the husband, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning!’ He slams the door and returns to bed.
‘Who was that?’ asked his wife.
‘Just some drunk guy asking for a push,’ he answers.
‘Did you help him?’ she asks.
‘No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!’ ‘Well, you have a short memory,’ says his wife.
‘Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!’
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, ‘Hello, are you still there?’ ‘Yes,’ comes back the answer.
‘Do you still need a push?’ calls out the husband. ‘Yes, please!’ comes the reply from the dark.
‘Where are you?’ asks the husband.
‘Over here on the swings’
A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.
Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note.
As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said “I have to say, you’re first reindeer I’ve seen in here.”
The reindeer studied the change very carefully and said. “Tell you what sunshine, as these prices I’m also the last reindeer you’re going to see in here.”
A student is sitting at an astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions,
“In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist.”
“Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?”
“15 billion.”
“whew, thanks, because I was really getting worried.”
THE MONITOR confirmed cardiac arrest as an elderly
man suddenly lost consciousness. After about 20 seconds of
resuscitation, he came to. Explaining to him that his heart had
momentarily stopped, I asked if he remembered anything unusual
during that time.
“I saw a bright light,” he said, “and in front of me
a man dressed in white.”
Zeroing in on this near-death impression, I inquired
if he could describe the figure.
“Sure, doctor,” he replied. “It was you.
Tags : Death, Doctor, Experience
It was coming up to Christmas and the Judge was in a jolly frame of mind.
“Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?”
” I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early.” replied the man in the dock.
“That doesn’t seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by ‘very early?
“Well, your Honour.” said the defendant, “It was before the shop was open.”