Funny Clean Jokes

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times

Tags: Blond Jokes by maxy
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A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

Tags: Uncategorized by maxy
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Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

Tags: Kids Jokes by maxy
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A man is taking his new car out for a spin on the town. While sitting patiently for a red light to change, an old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the car and says, “That is a nice car, son. Can I take a look inside?”

“Sure” replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, alright!”

Just then the light changes. The guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. So he floors it and takes off. A few seconds later, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that’s quickly getting closer!

Whoooooooshhhhhhh kablaaaaammm!

It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The guy jumps out, and finds none other than the old man and his moped, and both are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man replies, “Yeah, unhook my braces from your side-view mirror!

Tags: Old Age Jokes by maxy
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where d man’s face was severely burned. The doctor said that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body as he was too skinny. so his wife decided to donate some of her own skin as her tissue was a perfect match.
However the only skin on her body that was suitable was on her buttocks! So the couple decided that they would not tell anybody abt this and also asked the doctor to keep it a secret.
After the surgery everybody was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than ever before and his friends and relatives went on and on about his good looks.
One day, when he was alone with his wife, emotion overcame him for his wife’s sacrifice and so he said “Dear, I just want to thank u 4 everything u did for me. How can I possibly repay u?”
“My darling”, she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see ur mother kiss u on the cheek!”

Tags: Marriage Jokes by maxy
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking
out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Tags: Kids Jokes by maxy
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said
it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible. The little
girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Tags: Kids Jokes by maxy
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A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratchs out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right - scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. “Head on curb.”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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In a traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.

“You’re a schoolteacher, eh?” he said. “Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times!”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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A Mexican guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer.
“Is there a problem officer?”
“No problem at all , I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you $1,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with that money?”
He thought for a minute and said, ” Well, I guess I’ll go get that driver’s license,”
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, ” Oh don’t pay attention to him. He’s smart a-s-s when he’s drunk.”
The guy from the back seat said,” I told you guys, we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said,”Are we over the border yet?”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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