Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young  fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”

And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

Tags : car

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?

Tags : flight, son

A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent’s house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.

Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice.

“Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope.”

His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

“I know” he replied, “But Grandma is!”aa

Mrs Oppenheimer decided to get away from the often inclement weather of New York and spend Christmas in the deep South of the USA. Being unfamiliar with that part of the world she wandered into a ‘restricted’ hotel and said ‘Hi. I’m Mrs Oppenheimer and I’d like a room for the next week.’ ‘I’m very sorry,’ said the manager,  but all our rooms are taken. Just as he said that a customer came to the desk and unexpectedly checked out. ‘How lucky’ responded Mrs Oppenheimer, ‘Now you have a room for me.’ ‘Look, I’m very sorry’ said the manager, but this is a restricted hotel. Jews are not allowed here. ‘Jewish! Whaddya mean Jewish. I happen to be a Catholic.’ ‘That takes some believing’ said the manager. Tell me, who was the Son of God?’ ‘Jesus.’ she replied ‘Where was he born?’ ‘In a stable in Bethleham simply because some Schmuck like you wouldn’t rent a room to a Jew.’

Tags : God, man

A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, “This joke isn’t going to work because there’s no Muslim in this boat.”

Tags : Marine

Obama Killing The Enemies

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

Tags : bar, heaven