Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they’re airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, ‘Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons.’
After a few minutes the man in the aisle […]
A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago: “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous to some and none of us realize […]
Worried patient: ‘Doctor, I’m very worried. I’m still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.’
Doctor: ‘Oh, that’s nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner - that will soon wake you up.’
Patient: ‘Thanks very much, doctor! But when I consulted you before, you told me […]
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, ‘Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll
pass along […]
A 98 year old man and a 95 year old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce.”How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!
Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
A “good” landing is one from which you can walk away. A “great” landing is […]
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, […]
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says the Coroner.
“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds […]
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The […]