Need a Push
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. ‘Not a chance,’ says the husband, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning!’ He slams the doo Continue Reading ...
Facebook for Seniors
Click the image to enlarge. I wonder how the web would be going when we gorw old? will there be any Facebooks still around! Continue Reading ...
The Last Reindeer
A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager. Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note. As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said “I have to say, you’re fi Continue Reading ...
Sun will brun out
A student is sitting at an astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions, “In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist.” “Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?” “15 billion.” Continue Reading ...
Near Death Experience
THE MONITOR confirmed cardiac arrest as an elderly man suddenly lost consciousness. After about 20 seconds of resuscitation, he came to. Explaining to him that his heart had momentarily stopped, I asked if he remembered anything unusual during that time. “I saw a bright light,” he said, “and i Continue Reading ...
Shopping Early
It was coming up to Christmas and the Judge was in a jolly frame of mind. “Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?” ” I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early.” replied the man in the dock. “That doesn’t seem like an offence to me. Wha Continue Reading ...
The Insurance Money
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean when they got to talking. The lawyer mentioned, “I’m here because my house burned down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” remark Continue Reading ...
Getting back Money
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “ Continue Reading ...
Life After Death
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” Continue Reading ...
Christams Funny Lines
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! What do wild animals sing at Christmastime? Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way! Continue Reading ...