Funny Clean Jokes » blond

Blonds in a Lift

maxy — Sun, 17 May 2009 10:40:24 +0000

so there’s 3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones… but no luck. The phone’s have no signal.

After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, 1 blond says to the others ‘I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together.’

The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout ‘Together, together, together

First Class

maxy — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 05:41:48 +0000

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class
gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The
flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy
and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde
replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and
I’m staying right here!”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some
blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and
won’t move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde
and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she
is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave
and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde,
I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here!”

Exasperated the copilot tells the pilot that it was no use and
that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to
arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason. The pilot
says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a
blonde, and I speak blonde!” He goes back to the blonde, whispers
in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m sorry – I had no idea” gets up
and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The flight
attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to
make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied “I told her First Class isn’t going to Melbourne”

Show your license

maxy — Sun, 04 May 2008 20:35:41 +0000

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ” Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop

Blond Car Accident

maxy — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:57:09 +0000

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times

Best Place to Stay

maxy — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:07:16 +0000

An airline captain was breaking in a new blond stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Gas Problem

maxy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:12:45 +0000

A cute blond goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”

The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady returns. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly”.
“Good,” the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”

Two Sisters

maxy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:09:21 +0000

Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull
so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull,
I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the
nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office,
and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’
The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer
to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
‘comfortable?’

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly…. ‘com-for-da-bul.’

On Their Way To Heaven

maxy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 19:54:13 +0000

Three Blonds On Their Way To Heaven
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blond were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blond made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked “Why did you laugh I haven’t even told the joke yet”

The blond said “I know I just now got the first one!!!”