Funny Clean Jokes » Doctor

Hearing Problems

maxy — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 10:02:02 +0000

A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?”

The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand 15 feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer and asking the question until she hears you.”

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands 15 feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?” He gets no response, so he moves to 10 feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet–still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”

Near Death Experience

maxy — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 09:27:32 +0000

THE MONITOR confirmed cardiac arrest as an elderly
man suddenly lost consciousness. After about 20 seconds of
resuscitation, he came to. Explaining to him that his heart had
momentarily stopped, I asked if he remembered anything unusual
during that time.

“I saw a bright light,” he said, “and in front of me
a man dressed in white.”

Zeroing in on this near-death impression, I inquired
if he could describe the figure.

“Sure, doctor,” he replied. “It was you.

Suffering from Fatigue

maxy — Tue, 13 May 2008 22:50:13 +0000

Worried patient: ‘Doctor, I’m very worried. I’m still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.’

Doctor: ‘Oh, that’s nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner – that will soon wake you up.’

Patient: ‘Thanks very much, doctor! But when I consulted you before, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.’

Doctor: ‘Yes, so I did. But that was last week, old chap – and medical science has progressed enormously since then.’

Stung by a Bee

maxy — Sat, 03 May 2008 16:29:11 +0000

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming
in pain “Please
doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a
bee.”

DOCTOR: “Don’t worry; I’ll put some cream on it.”

MAN: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles
away by now.”

DOCTOR: “No you don’t understand! I’ll put some cream
on the place you were stung.”

MAN: “Oh! it happened in the garden where I was
sitting under a tree”

DOCTOR (in anger): “No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which
part of your body did that bee sting.”
MAN (still screaming in pain): “On my finger! The bee
stung me on my finger and it really hurts”

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
“Which one?”

MAN (innocently): “How am I to know? All bees look the
same to me.”

Gas Problem

maxy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:12:45 +0000

A cute blond goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”

The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady returns. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly”.
“Good,” the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”