One day a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building. A man came running into his office and shouted, “John, your daughter,
Anna just died in an accident right opposite this building”
The gentleman was in panic. Not knowing what to do, he jumped out through his office window. While coming down, when he was near the 14th floor he remembered he didn’t have a daughter named Anna. When he was near the 7th floor, he remembered he was not married yet.
When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not John.
Tags : Building, Death, man
Mrs Oppenheimer decided to get away from the often inclement weather of New York and spend Christmas in the deep South of the USA. Being unfamiliar with that part of the world she wandered into a ‘restricted’ hotel and said ‘Hi. I’m Mrs Oppenheimer and I’d like a room for the next week.’ ‘I’m very sorry,’ said the manager, but all our rooms are taken. Just as he said that a customer came to the desk and unexpectedly checked out. ‘How lucky’ responded Mrs Oppenheimer, ‘Now you have a room for me.’ ‘Look, I’m very sorry’ said the manager, but this is a restricted hotel. Jews are not allowed here. ‘Jewish! Whaddya mean Jewish. I happen to be a Catholic.’ ‘That takes some believing’ said the manager. Tell me, who was the Son of God?’ ‘Jesus.’ she replied ‘Where was he born?’ ‘In a stable in Bethleham simply because some Schmuck like you wouldn’t rent a room to a Jew.’
Tags : God, man
A 98 year old man and a 95 year old woman went to a lawyer to get a divorce.”How long have you been married?” he asked. “75 rough and rocky years,” they said. “Then, why have you waited so long to file for divorce?” They replied, “We had to wait for the kids to die!
Tags : divorce, lawyer, man
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times
Tags : accident, blond, car, Driving, man
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
Tags : bar, man, Titanic
A man is taking his new car out for a spin on the town. While sitting patiently for a red light to change, an old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the car and says, “That is a nice car, son. Can I take a look inside?”
“Sure” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, alright!”
Just then the light changes. The guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. So he floors it and takes off. A few seconds later, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that’s quickly getting closer!
Whoooooooshhhhhhh kablaaaaammm!
It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The guy jumps out, and finds none other than the old man and his moped, and both are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man replies, “Yeah, unhook my braces from your side-view mirror!
Tags : car, man, son
