Funny Clean Jokes

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming
in pain “Please
doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a
bee.”

DOCTOR: “Don’t worry; I’ll put some cream on it.”

MAN: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles
away by now.”

DOCTOR: “No you don’t understand! I’ll put some cream
on the place you were stung.”

MAN: “Oh! it happened in the garden where I was
sitting under a tree”

DOCTOR (in anger): “No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which
part of your body did that bee sting.”
MAN (still screaming in pain): “On my finger! The bee
stung me on my finger and it really hurts”

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
“Which one?”

MAN (innocently): “How am I to know? All bees look the
same to me.”

Tags: Doctor Jokes by maxy
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In the hospital, where their family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.

‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

‘The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.’

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, ‘Well, how much does a brain cost?’

The doctor quickly responded, ‘$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.’

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

‘Why is the male brain so much more?’
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, ‘It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.’

Tags: Women Jokes by maxy
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Are Computers Men or Women?

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

“House” in French, is feminine -”la maison,” “Pencil” in French, is masculine “le crayon.”

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?” The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computer”), because

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine “le computer”) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

Tags: Uncategorized by maxy
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