A bloke’s wife went missing while holidaying on the Australian coast. He spent a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there was a knock at the door and he was confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge said: “Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news.”

“Well,” says the bloke, “You’d better let me have it both barrels, what’s the bad news?”

The Sarge said, “I’m really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young Bruce here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef.
He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.”

The bloke was naturally pretty distressed to hear this and had a bit of a turn.
After a few minutes he pulled himself together and asked what the good news was.

The Sarge said, “Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of edible crabs in and around her swimsuit,
so we’ve brought you your share.” And he handed the bloke a bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

“Gee thanks,” said the man. “They’re bloody beaut… I guess it’s an ill wind and all that. Now, what’s the really good news?”

“Well”, the Sarge said, “Me and young Bruce here get off duty at around 11 o’clock and we’re gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!…

You fancy comin’ along?

Tags : hloiday, policeman, wife

A guy blows a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman.
Cop says, “License and registration please.”
Guy says, “What for?”
Cop says, “You didn\’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
Guy says,”I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

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Tags : policeman

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Tags : car, drunk, policeman

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ” Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop

Tags : blond, Driving, policeman

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

Tags : Little Johnny, photo, policeman

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratchs out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. “Head on curb.”

Tags : policeman

In a traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.

“You’re a schoolteacher, eh?” he said. “Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times!”

Tags : Driving, policeman, teacher

A Mexican guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer.
“Is there a problem officer?”
“No problem at all , I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you $1,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with that money?”
He thought for a minute and said, ” Well, I guess I’ll go get that driver’s license,”
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, ” Oh don’t pay attention to him. He’s smart a-s-s when he’s drunk.”
The guy from the back seat said,” I told you guys, we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said,”Are we over the border yet?”

Tags : Driving, policeman