Funny Clean Jokes

A guy blows a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman.
Cop says, “License and registration please.”
Guy says, “What for?”
Cop says, “You didn\’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
Guy says,”I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Cop says,”You still didn\’t come to a complete stop, license and registration, please.”
Guy says, “What\’s the difference?”
Cop says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!”
Guy says, “If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I\’ll give you my license and registration.”
Cop says, “Exit your vehicle sir.”

At this point, the cop takes out his Billy club and starts beating the daylights out of the guy and says, “Do you want me to slow down or stop?”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Tags: Bar Jokes by maxy
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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ” Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop

Tags: Blond Jokes by maxy
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Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

Tags: Kids Jokes by maxy
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A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratchs out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right - scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. “Head on curb.”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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In a traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge’s eye.

“You’re a schoolteacher, eh?” he said. “Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I’ve waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write ‘I went through a red light’ 500 times!”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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A Mexican guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer.
“Is there a problem officer?”
“No problem at all , I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you $1,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with that money?”
He thought for a minute and said, ” Well, I guess I’ll go get that driver’s license,”
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, ” Oh don’t pay attention to him. He’s smart a-s-s when he’s drunk.”
The guy from the back seat said,” I told you guys, we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said,”Are we over the border yet?”

Tags: Police Jokes by maxy
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