A woman wakes up on Feb. 14th and tells her husband, “I just dreamed that
you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentines Day. What do you think it
means??”
“You’ll know tonight” he says.
That evening, the man comes home with a small package and gives it to his
wife.
Delighted, she opens it and finds..
. a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams”
In the hospital, where their family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.
‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
‘The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.’
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, ‘Well, how much does a brain cost?’
The doctor quickly responded, ‘$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.’
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,
‘Why is the male brain so much more?’
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, ‘It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.’
A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a
beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very
embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her
little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t popup right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, ‘Good day Madam. How may we help you today’
Very uncomfortable, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little “accident”, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the
price of this lovely bracelet
He answers, “Madam”, if you farted just looking at it, you’ re going to sh*t
when I tell you the price.
The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, ‘How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?’
The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir?’
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95′.
The amazed father asks: ‘It’s what?!
Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: ‘Sir…., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends,what else do you want ?
Are Computers Men or Women?
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
“House” in French, is feminine -”la maison,” “Pencil” in French, is masculine “le crayon.”
One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?” The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computer”), because
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine “le computer”) because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.